If Microsoft made movies

Vipin Bhargava imagines a world in which Microsoft made movies instead of software.


 * If Microsoft made movies:
 * You wouldn't be able to eat popcorn, drink a coke and watch the movie at the same time.
 * If the popper was popping corn, and they were selling a candy bar, the movie would pause.
 * They would announce that the next versions of the movie would enable colour blind people to watch in colour, and the deaf to hear it.
 * The film would break every 15 minutes and in the most important parts.
 * They would announce new breakthroughs in movie technology - colour and sound - forgetting that most other movies have had these for years.
 * Every new movie would require a new projector.
 * The projector would claim to take 32mm in film size, but in reality it would only show 16mm magnified to make it look like 32mm.
 * They would claim to have invented comedies.
 * Every movie would look pretty, but actually have mishmash holding it together, and contain no plot. Ooops! Sorry, that's from the "What if Hollywood Made Movies" list.
 * They would promise you an action/adventure flick starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sandra Bullock, but it would be 3 years late and end up being a sappy love story with Jim Carey and Madonna.
 * Their projectors must have reset buttons, requiring you to start the movie over and over to have any hope of seeing the entire film.
 * "640 seconds? Whose gonna watch a movie longer than that??"